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Fathers
not just Wallets They Have been Proven
to be an Irreplaceable Influence on
Children's Development |
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Original articles at bottom. These
letters are from
Good job, one and all! |
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Father’s Day: Current state of
Fatherhood
by Armstrong Williams |
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As Father’s
Day 2006 approaches I am absolutely
devastated about the current state
of fatherhood in this country. It
is terribly troubling that our society
accepts fatherhood as a luxury,
not a necessity. An involved, loving,
active father has become the exception
in this country, and it’s time we
make it the norm again.
There are some things that only
a father can provide his children.
Although a mother is vital to a
child’s development, there are some
activities that a dad just makes
perfect. Shooting baskets or going
ice skating becomes more than a
bonding experience between father
and child. It becomes a moment when
boys learn how to carry themselves
as men, how to strive for a goal,
work hard, and strengthen their
male personality. It becomes a moment
when daughters learn how a man should
properly treat a woman, interact
with males, try their best, overcome
adversity, and strive for their
potential. There is little in life
that can simulate these fathers
– child moments that turn ordinary
days into treasured lifelong memories.
Like most loving fathers, my father
expected a lot out me and my siblings.
He constantly encouraged me and
pushed me to reach my potential,
but occasionally - and only when
necessary - he would use his lash
to get my attention. His stern face
or grave words would let me know
that my behavior or attitude was
out of line. My healthy fear for
him in these rare moments kept me
focused on living a healthy productive
life. I remember his strong grip
as he taught me to shake hands like
a gentleman, I remember his huge
arms wrapping me tight after tough
Little League losses, and I remember
my Father’s extraordinary courage
to do the right thing regardless
of the situation. I would never
be where I am today without my mother,
but my father taught me how to be
a man.
An active father does more than
help his son grow into a man or
daughter grow into a woman. He provides
the spiritual leadership that every
family needs. My father taught me
how to handle difficult situations
by keeping perspective. He taught
me that faith comes first. Family
comes second, then friends, after
that, its education and vocation.
My father taught me to rely on God
and trust that He would protect
me as I walked through the “shadow
of the valley of death,” or faced
unexpected hardships in my life.
And more than just teaching it,
my father lived it. I saw him read
the Bible daily, pray habitually,
and attend and participate at church
every Sunday. My father provided
the spiritual leadership that the
Bible calls for, and I believe this
kind of leadership should ideally
be handled by a man. Regardless
of the religion, this cannot be
done properly if the father is absent.
Kids can truly achieve so much more
when their father is present and
active in their everyday lives.
Studies have repeatedly shown that
a two parent household with active
parents is the key to a child’s
development. Certainly many, many
children of one parent households
have gone on to great things, but
they shouldn’t have to. The idea
that a father’s presence is a luxury
needs to change. Even if the parents
divorce, a father should be present
for every sporting event, every
school activity, and all the ordinary
moments that define a child’s early
life. Divorce or separation is no
excuse for a father to stay away
or reduce his involvement in the
children’s development. In fact,
in the sad case of separation, a
father should become more involved,
because the children desperately
need positive influences during
divorce proceedings.
As we celebrate Father’s Day this
year, we should praise the men who
are true fathers - the men who willingly
involve themselves in their children’s
lives. We should thank them for
their love and dedication, and be
proud of their achievements. However,
we must also call attention to the
cowards who father a child but never
become a true dad. We need to take
a hard look at why these fathers
run out on their families and abandon
their children. We cannot lower
our standards by ignoring these
dead-beat-dads and considering them
the norm. We cannot overlook the
problem or sweep it under a rug.
Our children are too important,
and they need their father. If they
are to reach their highest potential,
it will be with the help of their
father.
William Armstrong can be reached
at
www.armstrongwilliams.com.
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Father’s day respond |
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Dear
Editor,
The media has 364 days to blast fathers.
There is one day, Fathers Day, set
aside to honor them.
Armstrong Williams is absolutely devastated
about the current state of fatherhood
- and I am devastated at him for blaming
men. Somebody tell Williams that women,
not men, typically file for divorce.
Somebody tell Williams that judges
typically delegate the father to a
first, third and fifth weekend visitor;
it is not the father’s choice.
Williams writes that “Even if the
parents divorce, a father should be
present for every sporting event,
every school activity, and all the
ordinary moments that define a child’s
early life.” Yes, a divorced father
should - but many don’t; and here
is the reason.
Schools send a note in the student’s
backpack - or they call the custodial
parent - for all things academic.
Noncustodial parents are left out
of the loop from school portraits
to PTA announcements, from discipline
problems to grades. And only after
repeated requests, do schools notify
the noncustodial dad of anything.
Such notification needs to be automatic.
It needs to be written into every
school handbook: “Schools shall make
every effort to involve both parents.”
Then I turned to Attorney General
Gregg Abbott’s essay, “In honor of
Fathers,” and I became more devastated.
In his politically correct double-speak,
Abbott celebrates and praises dads
before getting to his point; the same
point he makes 52 weeks every year:
“Parents who are behind on their child
support are given three choices: enroll
in the program, make a payment or
go to jail.”
One thing about Abbott, he is consistent.
He never gives up on his quest to
extract the maximum amount of money
from every noncustodial father. And
for every dollar he collects, he receives
a bigger budget from Washington. Abbott
brags about his programs:
Building Strong and Healthy Families
in Texas works to establish legal
paternity, the Paternity Opportunity
Program gives unmarried fathers the
opportunity to acknowledge paternity,
and the Choices Project targets noncustodial
parents all for one reason - so the
Attorney General can collect more
child support.
Abbott praises his office because
they awarded federally funded grants
to 12 private nonprofit organizations.
But these Access and Visitation grants
generally go to Supervised Visitation
Centers who often seek to perpetuate
the alienation initiated by a vindictive
mother.
It is time to give divorced dads a
break. Schools should be required
to notify noncustodial parents of
every aspect of their child’s academic
life. The AG should enforce Dad’s
period of possession with the same
zeal he enforces Mom’s receipt of
child support. The concept of 50/50
shared custody - and no one pays anyone
child support - should be the norm
in custody decisions.
If this type of break is just too
much to ask, please give the notion
of fatherhood a break on Fathers Day.
Dads deserve better.
Don Mathis
Sherman, Texas |
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Devastation on Fathers
Day |
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As
Fathers Day approaches I too am devastated
by the state of fatherhood in America,
devastated by the number of fathers
who kill themselves every single year
because that was the only recourse
they believed they had in the face
of loss of their children, their homes
and their income, with jail looming
for them on the horizon; devastated
by bully judges who worry only about
bullet proof windows rather than helping
children have fair access to their
fathers; devastated by our national
presumption that dad and deadbeat
are synonyms; devastated by smug people
like Mr. Williams who write editorials
that trivialize the true suffering
of fatherhood in America. Yes, me
too. I am devastated too.
Jim Carmine |
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Armstrong Williams
cannot Speak to Fatherhood Today |
In honor of Fathers
by Attorney General Gregg Abbott |
June
18 is a day to celebrate and thank
dads for a job well done. Across Texas,
from the Panhandle to the Rio Grande
Valley, dads will celebrate fatherhood
with their children. I will spend
the day with my daughter, who will
thank me in some special way for being
her dad.
Like other fathers, I strive to be
a good dad and to provide my daughter
with the financial and emotional support
she needs. Parenting is hard work,
but the benefits to our children are
endless.
This Father’s Day, the employees of
the Division for Families and Children
and I extend our sincere thanks to
all fathers for giving their children
the love and support only a dad can
provide. You are the unsung heroes
in your children’s lives.
Over the last several years, there
has been a steadily growing emphasis
on the positive impact of engaged,
caring fathers. Research about a father’s
influence has confirmed what so many
of us know to be true - fathers really
do make a difference. Children with
dads who actively participate in their
lives perform better in school, are
more self confident, are more likely
to exercise self-control, and less
likely to engage in risky behaviors
as teens.
Our Child Support program collected
a record $1.8 billion in child support
last year, and most of the money came
from fathers. However, a father’s
contribution to his child’s well-being
involves much more than money. Children
deserve the security that comes from
knowing their fathers care enough
to provide emotional as well as financial
support.
Over the last several years, the Division
for Families and Children has increased
its commitment to fathers by recognizing
the important and irreplaceable role
they play in shaping their children’s
lives. Several notable programs to
serve fathers include:
Building Strong and Healthy Families
in Texas is designed to increase the
number of new, unmarried parents who
enter into stable family and marital
relationships. The project, which
is in Houston and San Angelo, also
works to establish legal paternity
for the unmarried parents’ children
and to provide knowledge and skills
necessary to fulfill parental responsibilities. |
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