From A. Barron's monthly Newsletter

How men get shafted - Confessions of a divorcing wife.   

By X Files, June 2005

http://forum.dadsontheair.com/viewtopic.php?t=3351&start=0&postdays=0&postorder=asc&highlight


As I write this, I am aware that I am probably going to offend some readers, but, then again, I have found that we in society are afraid and unaccepting of the truth, therefore taking offence.  I cannot apologize for what I am about to say, however I can only hope to attempt to undo the wrong that I have done.

To start with, here is a little bit about myself.  Before I was married, I was an extreme feminist, with the hopes and dreams of equality, having the same thoughts and beliefs as others in the fight for true equality. It wasn't like the feminists of today, who only want to gain complete control, power, and to have revenge, destroying everything that the true feminists have fought so hard for (true gender equality).  It is my hope that by posting my story and comments, that it will encourage other women, (we/you know who you are), to come forward and to tell the truth about themselves and their experience. Here is my story, as shameful as it may be.

I am a single mother of two.  When I decided to leave my marriage, (I was bored), I went to three different lawyers for advice.  I was asked by all 3 of them if I was ever abused by my husband.  My answer was, never in any way shape or form was my husband abusive towards me.  To my utter disbelief, all of them told me the same thing. Unless I accused my husband of abuse, I would not gain sole custody of my children. They also told me that by making these allegations against him, that I would get EVERYTHING and more.  When I asked them how we would prove the allegations, I was told that the courts don't require proof, and to go to a women's shelter, and that they would help me, and that it would support my allegations of abuse.

Having been brought up in a very religious family, I was very uncomfortable with this advice. I was then told by the lawyers, that if I wanted the full support of legal aid, I had no choice but to make the allegations against my husband. Having no money to pay for legal expenses, I did as I was advised.  Reluctantly I took my children to a women's shelter.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing. On the outside, it appears as they want the public and their funders to see it.  This is however, far from the truth.

This place was a form of a cult, (for lack of a better term).  Male bashing was a top priority, and the administration was very adamant about recruiting yet another woman (me), to join this man-haters club. They even have a game plan on how to win in court.  By following their simple plan step by step, I would not only get sole custody of my children, but also the car, house and land, plus finances for the rest of my life.

However, if I did not follow their game plan, but if I played fairly, I would lose everything, and I would be endangering the lives of other women, and would jeopardize any funding for them.  The administration must have noticed that their brain washing techniques were not working as fast as they wanted, so I was 'thrown' at the other women staying there.   Terms such as 'sperm donors', and that all men were abusive and must die, were used on a daily basis.  They were very convincing, and not wanting to jeopardize my fellow house mates, I went along with their game plan.

As soon as I said that I would follow their game plan, things moved very quickly. I saw the man that I was once married to destroyed emotionally, financially and physically.  I was granted sole custody of our children, and because of a restraining order, I gained the house and car, so that our children wouldn't lose everything that they were used to.   Not only was there a restraining order against him, he was also charged with assault.  The man who had equally created our children, helped raise them, and who loves them dearly, was ordered to stay away from them, and to pay me, (more than I ever needed), support
for them.  Like I said, I destroyed him, leaving him with very little to survive.

My brother is now going through a custody battle, where my former sister-in-law is playing exactly the same game that was taught to me by a women's shelter, and my brother is in the same shoes that I once put my ex in.

Knowing how I destroyed my ex, and seeing the wrong that I had committed, I have made it my personal endeavor to help my brother with his fight. He recently joined a men's group, and he receives messages on the net from shared parenting, epoc_news etc.   As he was thrown out of his home, he now lives with me, which gives me the opportunity to read the messages from these groups. I must admit, sometimes there is a message or two that is of great help, but for the most part, these groups have to stop playing 'Mr. Nice Guy'.

Finally a woman with a conscience, though it only comes out after her brother is put though the same hell.

 All the lawyers I have interviewed behind closed doors ALL have said this is out of control and they always use the exact phrases "Give them out like candy" and "don't want to appear on the six o'clock news" in these discussions. This clearly shows that they are all aware of this abuse of the system and discuss it.

 

Judges are breaking the law, and their oath, every day for personal self-interest.  Since both judges and lawyers are sworn to uphold and improve the system, and judge swear not be e influenced by these outside pressures, they are both breaking their oath allowing this to happen every single day.

 

In my interviews every lawyer I talked to said that between 50% and 95% of restraining orders are bogus. Clearly showing this law does far more harm than good.

 

It is literally true today that in front of most judges all any woman has to do to strip a man of his constitutional rights to his children, home and possessions is to say the word "fear".  Nothing has to have ever happened. There need not even be an accusation that something happened. Only the fear and "expectation" from  woman that something might.  This is called "spectral evidence" and was outlaws after the Salem witch trials because it is impossible to disprove. 

 

What has our country come to where the due process, evidence and jury trial required to insure the rights of the accused is required? This is morally revolting and is destroying millions of men and their relationships with their children purely for the financial benefit women gain through this lies without and worry of prosecution.

 

It is time to fix this massive problem. These false restraining orders are hurting millions of children nationally for the financial benefit of women and lawyers.